Still, the Sharm el Sheikh conference was a success, of sorts, for promoting the involvement of Iraq's interested neighbors like Iran in the quest for stability. Getting the top U.S. and Iranian diplomats around the same conference table is a modest breakthrough in its own right. But Mottaki's walkout at the official dinner disappointed other diplomats, who believe that U.S. — Iranian negotiations could be a key to resolving the conflict in Iraq, as well as the disputes over Lebanon, Palestine and Iran's nuclear program. One Arab official, only half-joking, said that the woman in red may have doomed the last chance to avoid a nuclear confrontation in the Middle East.

The Egyptian hosts did their best to help thaw the freeze in U.S. — Iranian relations that dates back to the 1979 Iranian Revolution. They seated Rice and Mottaki near each other so the two could talk if they chose to. But the seating chart would not have resulted in a breakthrough any more than the woman in the red dress can be held responsible for blocking one. Neither side is quite ready for a rapprochement, hence neither was willing to make the first move in Sharm el Sheikh. Rice chided Mottaki for not making "an effort," and in the next breath said, "I'm not given to chasing anyone." In a TIME interview, Mottaki commented, "Ministers of foreign affairs don't just meet accidentally. You need to have certain preparations in advance." It was telling that in back to back press conferences Rice and Mottaki each referred to the "history" between the two countries; Rice's reference was to the Iranian seizure of the U.S. embassy in 1979, Mottaki's to the CIA-backed coup that installed the Shah of Iran in 1953.

The question is not why Rice and Mottaki didn't have a fling in Sharm el Sheikh but why neither Washington nor Tehran has taken better steps toward a mature, lasting relationship. To be sure, Sharm el Sheikh witnessed the continuation of a flirtation that goes back to U.S. — Iranian cooperation in toppling the Taliban in Afghanistan in the aftermath of 9/11. In offering full-fledged talks if Iran halts its uranium-enrichment activities, Rice has effectively dropped other longstanding U.S. preconditions such as an end to Iranian support for terrorism. For its part, Iran has gradually cast aside its own preconditions, which have variously included the return of Iranian assets frozen in the U.S. and even the withdrawal of U.S. forces from the Gulf.

When Mottaki told TIME in Sharm el Sheikh, "we are ready to talk," there are reasons to believe that he was both sincere and pragmatic. In 2003, Iranian diplomats floated a proposal for a "Grand Bargain" with the U.S. Despite its hard-line rhetoric on the nuclear issue, Iran remains committed to a negotiated solution and has not withdrawn, as North Korea did, from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. If Iran wants to be taken seriously, however, it needs to avoid doing things that raise doubts, like seizing British sailors in the Gulf and walking out of diplomatic functions.

It is also apparent that the U.S. needs to review the wisdom of continuing to play hard to get with Iran. The U.S. has plenty of legitimate complaints, including the Tehran hostage crisis in 1979, Iranian involvement in terrorism against Americans in Lebanon in the '80s and Iranian interference in Iraq today. However, the U.S. needs to do everything possible to avoid a military showdown over Iran's nuclear program, which would risk new political upheavals in the Middle East whose effects could be felt for decades to come. "The U.S. thinks its can dictate to Iran because it is a superpower, but it hasn't worked," complains a senior Arab diplomat who is no friend of Tehran, reflecting a common sentiment in the Middle East. "It's very scary that we have a superpower that does not act rationally."

If U.S. and Iranian diplomats aren't able to cooperate for peace and stability in the Middle East, don't blame the woman in the red dress.

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